The Problem with Polyamory
I suspect that most people, in their heart of hearts, are "polyamoralists." That is, they are capable of loving more than one person at a time.
If your curious, here are some sites that explain "polyamory" in detail:
- The Polyamory Society
- Wikipedia - Polyamory
- Alternatives to Marriage - Polyamory
- Daily Mail News Story Featuring a Polyamoralist
In fact, if the figures on sexual and emotional infidelity are correct, then it seems that many people unknowingly participate in a critical aspect of polyamory. A "pseudo" polyamory, in the sense, that they experience love for more than one person, but they attempt to hide it. A true polyamoralist is honest and open about his/her feelings and desires.
Why do so many people only practice the more scandalous part of polyamory; that is, the sexual and emotional aspect of loving more than one person?
Because love and sex are full of double standards due to competing interests. What's good for me when it comes to dating, is not necessarily good for me to date. So, while everyone may have some polyamoralist tendencies, few people want to be involved with someone like that.
4 comments:
"I suspect that most people, in their heart of hearts, are polyamoralists."
What love are you speaking of? Are you speaking of storge, philia, eros, or agape love?
"Because love and sex are full of double standards due to competing interests."
By default, or by societal pressures?
I find it odd how parents can find can love more than one child, and a child can love more than one parent, but loving more than one partner is so odd?
Sexual and emotional infidelity have nothing in commmon with polyamory. If you have sex with someone that isn't your partner and your partner is unaware of that encounter, that is cheating, not polyamory.
"-Amory" means love, and there is no love in dishonesty, only fear.
Thanks for the comments and questions... I was referring to "eros" or romantic, passionate love. And I do think that double standards exist by default because relationships, or "life" for that matter, inherently involves interdependence leading to both cooperation and competition. And it's the competitive aspect of life which leads to double standards. For me, double standards are so interesting because they reveal attempts to gain at the expense of others. More often than not, I think that society emphasizes certain aspects of our inherently cooperative and competitive nature, rather than being the engine which drives our behavior. I know that many people think society is the driving force behind things, I used to see things that way too, but for many reasons, my thinking has changed over the years.
I think it's so interesting that you are calling polyamorists "polyamoralists" - i have never heard that formulation before, i've always heard them called "polyamorists". You've somehow added "amoral" into the word, either consciously or unconsciously - fascinating.
That is a topic that I've spoken of often with people in affairs, yet they never seem to get it.
I own a house with two women and live in a polyamorous relationship with both of them in a triad relationship. It never seems to astound me how many people will condemn the way I live, yet at the same time admit to an affair.
Poly relationships can and do work long term. I'm living prof of that.
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