Feb 8, 2007

Are You Having an Online Affair?

The Age.com just posted an article about the pitfalls of online affairs - how easy they are to start and how problematic they can become. As part of that article, they post a series of questions to ask to help determine if your online chatting crosses the line. Here is a copy of the questions and a link to the article:

Are you having an online affair?

If you answer yes to five or more of the following questions you could be crossing the line from online chatting to a cyber affair:
  1. In the past week, have you spent more than three hours talking to an online "friend"?
  2. Do you plan/look forward to your next communication with them?
  3. Does your partner know about your "friend", and would you be comfortable for them to join in chats?
  4. Do you chat when no one is around?
  5. Do you make excuses to go online?
  6. Do you exit the screen if someone walks into the room while you're chatting?
  7. Do you tell your online "friend" more about your thoughts, feelings, achievements and disappointments than your partner?
  8. Do you talk to your "friend" about problems in your real life relationship?
  9. Do you think your online "friend" understands and supports you more than your partner?
  10. Are you becoming unpredictable about how you act towards your partner?
  11. Has your sex life with your partner changed since meeting your "friend"?
  12. Do you think about sending your online "friend'' photos, talking on the phone or meeting for coffee?
Virtual Infidelity - By the Age.com

And some another source of information about online affairs:

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here tonight reading (and responding) because I got lost in the weeds and am feeling like a love sick puppy for a woman I can't have and, when I stop and think about it, dont want!

Let me tell you what happened and then if, you want, you can tell me what a horrible person I am. I need to get this out. It's like a poison!

we met on-line, both belonging to a forum. she's married with a young son, I'm married with a young son. we never spoke privately until about 6 months ago.

I work odd hours and was up early 330am having a cup of coffee and surfing when I saw her on-line. I'm being completely honest here. I have no reason to lie to you people

My intent was to pop in on her through a PM and say "go to bed it's late!" we talked. Then we talked about our spouses, neither one of us expressing being unhappy or out of love, then we talked some more. that was it. Then we were sharing stories about our kids, funny stories, keeping it light.

eventually, we're texting each other...never really talking dirty. never really having dirty thoughts about each other. we traded pics but then felt creepy (i deleted my pic of her)

My point...my problem is, I cant get this woman out of my head. I love my wife. I honestly do. I have no desire to be anywhere else but home. but, when I'm with my wife, talking, cooking dinner, driving in the car, at work, I'm thinking about this other woman! Not sexually, just "I wonder what she's doing?"

God help me! I never meant for this to happen, I wasn't looking. If I were extended an invitation to her place I wouldn't go.

but, there it is, just the same....my heart, my brain, the laargest sex organ in the body is out of focus.

Christmas eve, we were with our families and texting each other. Christmas day she told me goodbye. she was in too deep and needed to get me out of her head. we apologized to each other for letting this happen and then deleted our personal info.

Then she responded to a post I made about the distractions in my life on an open forum. she says she was trying to help but God, it made me want to talk to her again!

I've deleted every trace of her from my life. she's out of my phone, off my computer but here I sit, a married man, acting like a 13 year old boy with a crush on a married woman I can never, WOULD never be with.

In 18 years of marriage, I've never touched another woman! I'm a cheater just the same. my heart has wandered off the reservation.

Some Random Idiot

Anonymous said...

SRI,
Way too hard on yourself my friend.
We have all been there, all done that, you would be surprised how many people probably read your post and smiled wistfully because they knew exactly what you were talking about.
Life is very fast today and very stressful and maybe we are all looking for something special that for a while will transport us from the mundane of everyday life. maybe the one thing that is just out of our reach becomes the most alluring. We form attachments, they fill a void and in a strange way they nourish us and make us feel alive and special again. Be grateful it happened because it shows your alive, be grateful it did not damage what you have at home, but don't be too hard on yourself.