Mar 20, 2007

Principle of Least Interest

A friend of mine is in trouble…

She is terribly in love with her boyfriend, but he is less in love with her.

And this sets up a terrible dynamic in their relationship.

Because he doesn’t care as much as she does, he has tremendous power over her. He dictates most of what happens in her life… She willingly submits to this because she wants his love more than he wants hers in return.

And the more she tries to please him, the more of herself she loses to the relationship, and the less happy she becomes because she gets so little in return, so she tries harder to please him.

Of course, from his perspective, things are great. The less he gives, the more she tries to make him happy. What a deal.

The principle of least interest at work: The person who cares the least about a relationship has considerable power over the person who cares the most.

Ironic and sad.


Wolfsong said...

Fantastic post. It's so true!! I wish it weren't true though! It makes me wonder if we have to give as much as we can into relationships if we know we'll get hurt. But if we're not fully vulnerable and surrendered, then we're not letting love take over! It is ironic and sad. But there will be a relationship were both of them are in it equally and the feelings are mutual. I believe that. Things happen in life to make us cynical about that but we have to fight that.

Anonymous said...

YEAH but the principle also says that the one who is least interested is less interested because he/she is getting less from the other. So while your friend may have given up a lot of power, imagine the poor guy she's dating who is so uninterested in her that he's getting almost nothing from her. :(